The miracle of photoshop is not a miracle in the real world!
I get it. I really do.
People have to make money, and I can’t fault anybody for trying to market a product they put so much blood, sweat, and tears (oh, and money) into.
If we have to drive, then we may as well drive something nice, right?
But, the miracle of marketing has created a monster of a fantasy world centered around new cars. Let me be totally up front, however. I love cars — I really do. The problem is the driving.
Driving totally sucks, and driving has almost nothing to do with the car. I could be driving a $250,000 Ferrari and eventually I’m going to get pissed off.
Does it help? You betcha… I’d rather be driving that than my old Honda Civic, but still…. some of this has gone a little far.
Today, I’d like to spotlight fact and fiction. Driving is not an emotional decision, folks, so don’t let any multi-billion dollar trans-national organization influence our future by appealing on an emotional level.
Whoooosh! Here we go in your brand new ButterflyMobile! Wow, what a ride. This car is so awesome that nature itself graciously bows out of your way and leaves a path of serenity and enlightenment.
The only butterfly you’re going to see is the one trapped in the grill of the car behind you because he’s honking, waving, and tailgating you on your way to work. Serenity? Right.
This Jaguar comes standard with two tornados that follow you around on the plains of badassity. With a brewing sky, you alone tame the elements behind the wheel of a car you don’t need and powered by technology that hasn’t fundamentally changed in 100 years. Rrrroooooarrr!
When you see a brewing sky, it’s time to panic. Is your battery going to start your car? Will you get plowed in? The only tornado you’re likely to ever see is the one that made a pile of food wrappers and car seat flotsam and jetsam in your back seat. Meow.
For years now I’ve had my wife wait for me outside when I left the house at 4:30 am to beat the morning rush hour.
That’s right – she’d be wearing her “Sunday clothes” and wave the checkered flag when I got home. ALWAYS, I had Motley Crue playing, “Girls, Girls, Girls” in the backseat while some creepy dude lounged in his pajamas by the passenger door.
I mean, this happened everyday for years, and I regret giving it up.
Everybody is pissed off the whole time they’re driving. Road rage is an inevitable consequence of stressed, malnourished, and sedentary civilization.
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